Tanya's Journey

He occupies my thoughts, my dreams and everything in between. We hit it off, it felt like love. Then our broken bits got in the way and suddenly there was a chasm between us. Distance neither of us seemed to be able to breach. But, even worse, is the thought that maybe he doesn't want to breach it. Because after all, regardless of how well we hit it off, he doesn't want to be in a relationship. So is this goodbye then? Is this the end? Life can't be so cruel as to bring two people together only to have them part ways, leaving their souls wanting. The very soul s who need each other. Could heal together. Grow together. Please . . . stay. Open your heart. Let me fix your broken bits while you heal mine. I know we can do this. Together. 

If you don't know who Jared Padalecki is, you've been living under a rock (unless you prefer calling him Sam Winchester?). Jared has battled depression for so long that he created the #alwayskeepfighting campain to speak out about illnesses. His best friend Jensen Ackles is also very present, as well as the rest of the Supernatural family. I haven't -yet- bought any of the merchandise they've been selling but I have gotten their slogan tattooed on my forearm as a constant reminder of where I've been and where I'm headed. I also have the sentence Shake it Off on my wrist, as well as a  semi-colon . I want to eventually tie them all together with a design involving an arrow and a mountain. I just haven't quite figured out how or what yet. Happy readings folks and remember to #alwayskeepfighting

Last January, my husband and I celebrated 3 years of marriage, nine years of relationship. He and I have been through a lot through the years; he was the one who discovered I dislike change. He patiently talked me through my panic attacks. His presence and patience were the reasons I'd decided to have kids even though I was adamant I'd never have any. When my illnesses were diagnosed, he didn't understand them. He realised I wasn't making it all up, but couldn't grasp what it all meant. Yet he knew to give me space when needed. Knew to take charge of the kids when I couldn't cope anymore. He would send me to bed, light a candle and cover me with my anxiety blanket, left me to calm down. Sometimes it took 5 minutes, other times it took hours. Last April we filed for divorce. We'd been rocky for some time he and I. Somewhere during our relationship, our love lives parted ways. And although we were still the best of friends, we both needed more out of the othe...

When I originally started seeing a shrink, it was to help with my control-freak issues. My then-husband had noticed that whenever a change occured, I would freak out and we'd inevitably end up fighting. I'd get so enraged ; picture the Hulk on PMS. With time we learned that if he let me be when I secluded myself, I'd eventyally come back out, head bowed, riddled with guilt, but calm. Then . . . we had kids. And he became a long-distance truck driver and I no longer had the leisure of seclusion. And so I requested a shrink appointment and after a few sessions, she diagnosed me with GAD: generalised anxiety disorder. My rage came forth whenever the unexpected occured; my anxiety's coping mechanism. For example, someone randomnly calling me, asking if I wanted to go over. Or out for drinks. Or for an impromptu shopping session. No, no and hell no. *cue panic* This wasn't planned . There were no " head's up! ", no forewarning.  Fast-forward to being alone...