Tanya's Journey

Blue eyes gaze at me,  Trembling hands, hesitate. I want to touch you , he whispers. I want you , I reply simply.  His blue eyes flare,  curled fingers spread open,  suddenly steady,  so steady.  They curl around my nape,  pull me closer,  a breath away. I want you , I repeat,  and then there was hesitance,  no more. 

I have never forgotten you. How could I? Why would I? You've taught me, much. So much.  You opened my eyes.  Warmed my heart. Touched my body.  Flirted with my soul. And I saw you,  in your entirety.  You shared secrets,  bits of yourself,  you didn't let anyone see.  But you showed me. And I saw.  And I loved.  Yes, I saw and loved.  Because and despite,  I loved. 

He hugs me extra tight, tonight, His way of saying,  it's going to be all right. I try to pull away  but he doesn't let go. Words don't come easily for him,  but hugs do, I know. I love you,  the hug says.  You're safe,  it reminds me.  And I cuddle his shoulder and smile,  knowing,  I am Loved. 

I used to be, skin and bones. My grandpa would count my ribs,  make me giggle. And then I grew. And grew. And grew. And suddenly,  or so it seemed,  there were more skin than bones. Suddenly, I was a teenager,  hitting puberty. Nobody tells you,  warns you,  just exactly how much a body changes. Nobody tells you, the changes are... okay.

Hurry hurry or I'll be late,  Your fault, not hers,  I want to say.  Children shouldn't be rushed,  shouldn't have to pay,  for their parents bad timing,  I want to say. She skips, she jumps,  flowered skirt twirling,  dimples flashing.  And I know,  without a doubt,  this child is loved.  Hurry, hurry or I'll be late,  She giggles, he smiles,  they hold hands,  and twirl. 

My hope is that your blue eyes never harden. Become jaded. I pray your innocence will remain intact. Childlike. That you'll always see,  the clouds in the sky,  notice the turtles and dragons,  living amongst them. My hope is that you dance in the rain,  regardless of others' opinions of who you are. What you do. How you live. I pray that your beautiful eyes never harden, my love. Mommy loves you,  to Infinity and Beyond.