Tanya's Journey

There have been SO many changes in my life these past two years. My friends and family know most of them, but there's so much more left unsaid. Some of those changes have involved cutting people out of my life who could no longer be bothered to give me the time of day. We've gone different paths, as people tend to do when life gets in the way. But because of who I am, and because of my many anxieties, I tend to overthink the WHY of these people no longer making time for me. And truth be told, I'm exhausted. And I'm easily overwhelmed. I'm working on bettering myself every. damn. day. But if I can take little steps to ensure my peace of mind, I will take them. Those friends were deleted from FB account. Without warning, I must admit, but I'm fine with that. If they truly wanted news, they would've chatted me up before or after; I can't keep worrying about what other people think. But others also followed my (old) blog and I found myself censoring my thoug...

Or so it feels. Thoughts are muddled, Unclear, Unkind. Terrified. Can I really do this, Again? Mind in a jumble, Mental stability, Questioned. Again. Pills. They offer pills. I jut my chin. Refuse. Softer approach. Stability. Therapy. Pills, Complementary. Processing, Still terrified. I'll get help. Need to talk. Living room, Glass of wine, Ambient light, Home sweet home. Heart to heart. Offers of love, Stability, Time, Patience. Nightlights, Soft snores, Sleeping babes. Lean in, Kiss their soft cheeks, Hear their sighs, Choice is made. Three steps forward, One step back. Always keep fighting.

Google images When I was a child, my parents introduced me to the making of the Phantom of the Opera. It was taped off the television, on an old VHS. I loved that tape. Loved those songs. Loved discovering how Andrew Lloyd Webber pieced together this masterpiece.  Years passed, and my parents treated themselves to the live play in Ottawa. I was devastated at the time; I wanted to go too! I knew the songs! And the play! Heck, I could even BE Christine, if they needed a double! I vowed I would one day see it as well.  Fast-forward to 6th grade, where the end-of-year play was - you guessed it: The Phantom of the Opera. Me and another girl were chosen as Christine. A grand honor, I was sure. Except... our only advantage was that we spoke English in our French-speaking class. Still! A dream come true! And then I came of age. I could see the show. Only to discover it was no longer playing in Canada. I promised myself I would not forget my dream. I would see my Phantom and Christine...

I'm incredibly late on the Dr Seuss bandwagon, and I really have no excuse. There was no specific reason, really, to not read or watch him; he simply did not call to me. I believe the very first Dr Seuss experience I had was watching the Grinch - the Jim Carrey version. And since I love all things Christmas, it was a winning experience for me. The Cat in the Hat knows a lot about that! Came after, many moons after, when my trouble were old enough to repeat his rhymes. It amused me, but still, I looked no further. Then, one day, I happened to walk into the children's section at the bookstore and lo and behold! A Dr Seuss tome holding several of his stories. I grinned, picked it up and thought, "At least I can scratch this off my bucket list!" That night, I sat with the kids and pulled out his book. Started reading, rhyming his words in a lyrical fashion. Tears came to my eyes as I realised how beautiful this sounded for me, how effortlessly I read his words out loud. ...